


There's One Thing I Can Do Nothing About

by foxjar



Series: Just Forget Me; It's That Simple [2]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Drama, M/M, Masturbation, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Post-Canon, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:47:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27828478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxjar/pseuds/foxjar
Summary: Of everyone who could have ended up leaving the country after high school, Yusuke's disappearance hurts the most."Is everything okay?" Akira asks, breaking his pose to turn to Yusuke, and for once, he isn't scolded. Yusuke pulls his kneaded eraser into bits before rolling them back together, then stretching it all back out. Again and again. Akira watches his hands move, shaping his eraser into blobs of varying sizes."My inspiration simply isn't cooperating today," Yusuke says, still pulling at his eraser absentmindedly. His eyes are looking at Akira, but Akira knows it isn't really him that he's seeing. "Another time, perhaps. Yes. Another time."Something about the way he says it sounds so final. Like he doesn't even believe his own words that there will be another opportunity for them to sit together like this, with Yusuke pondering his sketch and Akira sprawled across whatever surface he's directed toward.
Relationships: Kitagawa Yusuke/Kurusu Akira
Series: Just Forget Me; It's That Simple [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1900795
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	There's One Thing I Can Do Nothing About

**Author's Note:**

> [Poetry Fiction prompt (Ai; Appomattox):](https://poetry-fiction.dreamwidth.org/60905.html?thread=99305#cmt99305)
>
>> now it's too late,  
> now love's a letter stamped "return to sender,"  
> stamped "surrender" on delivery.
> 
> Previously in this series: Yusuke jacks off on a sketch of Akira as he angsts about his seemingly one-sided affection. 

Akira's final year of high school comes to a close, and the ex-Phantom Thieves are reunited once more.

The spring is warm, the air mulling with heat. What better way to celebrate their final weeks of freedom than to go swimming? But this time, Ann has a surprise up her sleeve.

One of the photographers Ann models for offered to let her stay in his vacation home while he's out of town. She hadn't accepted the offer readily, she reminds her friends; what would have been the point if she were holed up all alone in the lavish estate?

"I doubt you'd've complained much if you'd seen the place yourself," Ryuji murmurs, crossing his arms and gazing up at the house. The outside lacks much distinction — simple white paneling, a yard devoid of decoration — but it's the sheer size that awes them.

Ann gives Ryuji's shoulder a playful nudge, and then they all carry their packs inside.

Ryuji is first to spy the massive pool through the sliding glass doors at the far side of the room, dropping his bag on one of the couches and peeling off his shirt as he makes his way outside. Ann howls his name at him as he dips his toes in the pool, turning to wave at them, but there's no venom in her voice. Only laughter.

Haru, Futaba, Ann, and Makoto head off down one hallway while Ann tells them how the house supposedly cost over one-hundred million yen, and Makoto sucks in a breath. Even Morgana slinks off to the kitchen to find something to snack on; Ann was worried that he might end up leaving some cat hair behind, but they didn't want to leave him alone at Leblanc.

Then it's just Yusuke and Akira left in the main room clutching their bags. Yusuke sets his down with more care than Ryuji had, pulling out a sketchbook before he starts wandering through the hall. He's studying the various paintings and sculptures around the room, pausing every so often to sketch something.

Of course Yusuke is far more interested in observing art than swimming in the pool; Akira isn't even surprised. But as Yusuke draws, Akira watches him. His white hoodie is zipped up to his collarbone, the hood pushed off his head once they'd gotten inside.

It's the simple things that are worth looking out for.

 _This place is worth more than I'll probably ever make in my life,_ Akira thinks, still watching Yusuke when he turns toward him.

Akira could never afford all of the things that make Yusuke happy. A man like Yusuke deserves more than simple comforts; he deserves the world and more.

"Would you care to do a bit of modeling for me?" Yusuke asks, tapping his sketchbook with his pencil.

"Anything nude?" Akira tries to keep the hopefulness out of his voice; despite the house crawling with their friends, there's something alluring about the thought of posing naked for Yusuke in a far-off corner of the house.

Yusuke smiles wryly, tilting his sketchbook away from his chest. "No, nothing like that today."

And thus Akira ends up draped across the arm of one of the couches, staring off down the hall the girls disappeared into. He can hear them laughing out by the pool, so there must be another exit outside.

Yusuke's pencil scratches against his paper, and every so often he'll squint his eyes and hunch over the sketchbook in his lap, trying to decipher things most other people can't see. Akira doodles sometimes, much to Yusuke's chagrin, but it's less about what he draws and more about the process. What other hobbies could pique Yusuke's interest more than art? Sometimes he can even get Yusuke to give him pointers, hovering behind him, his hair brushing Akira's neck and his hand warm when he tries to guide Akira's pencil. He isn't sure he could ever appreciate art the way Yusuke does; he just appreciates Yusuke himself.

And Yusuke deserves more than that, more than someone who just uses his special interests to lure him closer. He wants to get to know him better, maybe even be someone special to Yusuke, but it all feels so one-sided. Yusuke sees him, studies his body through his art, but it's like he's missing the bigger picture.

Something's wrong. Yusuke is sitting on the couch opposite Akira, scowling over his sketchbook as if it's personally offended him.

"Is everything okay?" Akira asks, breaking his pose to turn to Yusuke, and for once, he isn't scolded. Yusuke pulls his kneaded eraser into bits before rolling them back together, then stretching it all back out. Again and again. Akira watches his hands move, shaping his eraser into blobs of varying sizes.

"My inspiration simply isn't cooperating today," Yusuke says, still pulling at his eraser absentmindedly. His eyes are looking at Akira, but Akira knows it isn't really him that he's seeing. "Another time, perhaps. Yes. Another time."

Something about the way he says it sounds so final. Like he doesn't even believe his own words that there will be another opportunity for them to sit together like this, with Yusuke pondering his sketch and Akira sprawled across whatever surface he's directed toward.

Akira is beside him on the couch now, reaching for his hands. The kneaded eraser falls beside them, and he's sure he'll have to deal with Yusuke muttering about picking bits of dirt and hair from it later, but for now there's just Yusuke's fingertips against Akira's lips. He smells like charcoal dust and rubber from twisting his eraser so much, things Akira never would have associated so much with love if it weren't for Yusuke.

"We'll have another chance," Akira says, his lips on Yusuke's fingers dangerously close to a kiss. Part of him wants to kiss each one, to show him how he feels, but Yusuke is staring at him with such an unreadable expression that he lets his hand go, losing that mix of charcoal and rubber forever.

In the end, Yusuke makes no promises. He packs his art supplies away while Akira stretches, watching Yusuke out of the corner of his eye, wanting him to say something, anything.

But the moment is over.

* * *

Yusuke is the only one not in the water, preferring to sit along the edge of the pool, his legs crossed as he stares off into the distance. Beyond the tall wooden fence lies a thicket, so dense and towering that Akira can't see any of the neighboring houses. He can imagine creeping through the woods with Yusuke, seeing firsthand all of the wonders of nature: the flowers, the fungi, the creatures that call the forest their home. How many sketchbooks could Yusuke fill during a single trip, and would he let Akira see?

Akira wades over to him, his swimshorts heavy as the water pushes against him, daring him to press onward. He splashes Yusuke with a bit of water, enough to grab his attention but not enough to drench him.

"The water's great," Akira says, smiling. It's a lie; the water is cold, even beneath the early afternoon sun. Yusuke glances at him before resuming his watch, gazing beyond him, and Akira can see the way his eyes dart around, soaking in every tiny detail of the world. Akira will never be as fascinating as what lies beyond those trees. He couldn't.

The tone they'd set earlier in the living room is still there, buried beneath the service. Yusuke hasn't spoken to him much since then, his sentences always trailing off when Akira tries to talk to him. He's seeing something else, something past Akira, and while it isn't unusual for Yusuke to have something grip his attention like this, what he said earlier is still concerning — or what he hadn't said, really.

When Akira makes his way out of the pool, he can feel Yusuke's eyes on him again, lingering this time. He stretches the muscles of his legs, his arms, his back; he knows how much his body inspires Yusuke. Pulling Yusuke's attention back to himself isn't always easy, but being shirtless helps. He watches the droplets of water seep into the ground, and he counts the moments it takes for Yusuke to come to him: one, two, three…

He's rarely able to make it to five before he's yanked Yusuke's attention back to him, and this time is no exception. Yusuke is looking up at him, framing him with his hands, knees digging into the hard patio. Akira smiles at him but it feels so forced, so fake, and it's this moment when Yusuke loses his balance. He nearly topples into the pool before Akira has grabbed his arm, pulling him back to relative safety.

"Your smile is truly mesmerizing," Yusuke says, voice shaky as he leans on Akira for support. "I couldn't help but imagine —"

The splashing, the laughter in the pool stops; everyone is looking at them now. Ann starts to wade her way over to them, but Akira shakes his head.

"What was it you were picturing?" Akira asks. He can see how Yusuke is shivering beneath his voice, his gaze, his eyes. A rush of power fills him; Yusuke would follow him anywhere, do whatever he asked of him, and the thought both thrills and terrifies him. He starts to wonder why he's so worried; Yusuke's disquiet from earlier can't mean much, can it? But he knows Yusuke, knows he feels so fully, so passionately. Every piece of him matters, shows a bigger picture once he puts the pieces together, but Akira is afraid to see the final puzzle all assembled.

Akira led the Phantom Thieves, but leading Yusuke's heart feels different, fraught with even more perils. If he isn't careful, they could both end up hurt. And although he's careful and tries to be sensitive to Yusuke's moods, there's still that sense of control that thrums through him. That offer of power tempting him, pulling at him.

Ann splashes water at him, and when he looks at her, he can see worry etched on her face. She's always been able to read him in ways that most other people can't, able to see past his charismatic smirk through to the darkness inside.

He nods to her, a vow to try not to let it overtake him.

But it's difficult when Yusuke is so utterly himself, opening up to him and gnawing at him every time he tries to pull away even a centimeter. Even now he stares at him with wide, unassuming eyes, seeing so much more of Akira than he feels comfortable showing. And yet there's so little he sees, clouded by all of the things he wants Akira to be: his muse, his inspiration, his leader.

That might be what hurts most of all, and that might be what lures Akira to the precipice time and time again. But there's only one place Akira wants to lead Yusuke, a place where no one will see them at their most vulnerable, where each of the sounds escaping Yusuke's mouth could mix with his own.

If only he could kiss his fingers and more. If only he could press Yusuke against the hard ground, onlookers be damned as he finally lets whatever lies dormant inside him unfurl at last.

So he tells himself that nothing is amiss; he'll talk to Yusuke tomorrow, assured that nothing is out of the ordinary. Today is a day like any other, albeit one awash with laughter and friends.

The vacation house is a strange sort of paradise, finding them all at the right moment. Somehow, Akira doesn't think Yusuke would have allowed him to touch him so intimately if they'd been back at his dorm room or Leblanc. Why would he? Why not leave such fancies for the house of dreams?

When they lie down to sleep that night, Akira dreams of charcoal dust and rubber. He dreams of an infinite expanse of warmth, his friends idling around as if at his every beck and call, and there are no goodbyes.

Yusuke is gone before Akira wakes up, having already packed his things and scuttled off with the cloak of pre-dawn.

**Author's Note:**

> Mostly the same tags as the last fic, but I might add more for the next part. The bit about the trees is kind of a reference to [Paths](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20745287).
> 
> I had a particular ending in mind for this second story of the series (e.g. the rascals continue their pining), but if you'd be interested in a third story where they do finally get together and do the horizontal tango, feel free to share your thoughts.


End file.
